Is that me?

For the past two days, I've stared at myself in the mirror not recognising the reflection staring back. What stares back at me is a tired and resigned face. The eyes are sunken and dark, the hair unruly and the skin lacklustre. It is a face that does not smile.

People often say that when you give yourself less pressure and expect less of others, you tend to live life a happier being. Admittedly, the former is a nagging issue that I've been trying to come to terms with. All my closest buddies tell me that I should quit having such high expectations of myself, and that sometimes, I should let things slide a notch or two. Never mind if things don't go the way I want as long as I've tried my best. Unfortunately, what differentiates me from most people is not a question of whether I've put in my best or not but whether the effort was the best I could muster.

The thought weighs heavy on me, especially when I am at work. Adding to this pressure are real, physical demands that I am having trouble coping with. There were occasions when my eyes would just fill up with tears because I felt so helpless. I am tired, my resources are stretched and there are at least three urgent things at any one time that require my attention. To exacerbate matters, I expect myself to deliver all three tasks at a level of perfection that I set for myself.

In real life, I am hardly that strict with myself. I am silly and happy on most days, I couldn't care less even if I made a fool of myself, I can't be bothered with what others think of me and most importantly, I find lots of things to laugh about. I chuck that serious and no-nonsense mask that I have to wear to the office everyday.

From tomorrow onwards, I resolve to inject a bit of the real me into the office environment. I will try my best but I will not berate myself when things go awry. I will lower the expectations I set for myself. I will shed that stiff mask and be silly once in a while. I will find things to laugh about, even if no one else sees the humour. I will set aside personal time for myself everyday. I will remind myself that the world does not stop revolving just because of something I did. I will not take sole responsibility for something that is meant to be a team effort. I will not be so uptight at work and will instead take things as they come. I shall not be afraid of voicing my opinions and being the motor mouth that I am in real life. I will not be afraid of making mistakes or looking stupid in front of others. I shall be the same exuberant and colourful me whether at work or play.

There, I feel better already!