Thursday, May 24, 2007

Nightmares, flab and demons

I'm exhausted. This week, I found myself speaking, thinking and reacting slower than usual. I was either losing my train of thought and going errrr.....or I couldn't stop repeating myself over and over. Though I knew exactly what I wanted to say, I could not say it the way I wanted to.

Sometimes, I feel like I'm losing focus. A couple of mornings, I find myself not remembering how I made my way to the bus-stop. Or how I made it across the road.

I slip into deep, knock-me-out type of sleep. I don't even dream anymore, except for that morbid nightmare I had recently. That was one of those rare occasions where I was actually thankful for waking up.

I don't go out on weekdays anymore. Gone are the cosy tête-à-tête sessions with friends after work, going shopping and indulging in a sumptious dinner or clubbing through the night and going to work blurry-eyed and in a zombified state the next morning!

Perhaps the lethargy is caused by a lack of exercise. My wound from the operation last year is hurting and the doctor forbade me to exercise. Ironically, it could be the exercise that caused the pain, since I have been pushing myself a bit harder to lose that flab.

Why won't the flab go away? I try so hard but my body refuses to co-operate. I'm sick of wishing for that slim and beautiful body. I don't even eat that much okay, so flab flab go away, and don't think of coming again another day! If I have to upgrade into the next size, so be it. I will boycott Bangkok, the land of skinny girls and tiny tees!

So many dissatisfactions and you must be thinking I'm a very unhappy girl. But I'm not. I'm still that little silly girl who goes a bit bonkers on weekends. Who persists in spoiling herself with waffles for breakfast (thanks poppy!), fast food for lunch, ice-cream in between and a huge bowl of soup for dinner.

Don't expect to see the ditzy girl on weekdays though. She has been sold to a sullen, angsty and tired demon who possesses her every Monday, sucks the life out of her for the rest of the week and releases her on Fridays.

We all know who that demon is.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

u have morphed into some other person that is totally different from the girl i know from sec skool(except 4 the smarts). Maybe i haven't had the opportunity to see this side of u before.

Jellbell from Hell said...

oldskool: I haven't exactly morphed into someone totally different. I am still the same old me, but a bit more angsty and jaded now. Call it quarter life crisis, if you wish. How have you been?

Anonymous said...

I'm doing great...i think. Yeah i guess people's perceptions are all different. Mine's that u were all innocent, down-to-earth..nothing like what i'm reading. Maybe this has been u all along and i never noticed. Oh well, It's all good..;)