Being Diplomatic

A friend of mine was complaining to me about this schmuck in her office. He's the sort who'll ask you to cover him when he's on leave but will never do the same for you, he'll not hesitate to make use of you to put himself in a better position and he'll put you down to make himself look good. Yea, every office I'm sure, has at least one such character.

I tried to form a visual of this dodgy character, with my friend's help. Here's an excerpt of the conversation we had.

Me: Is he ugly?
X: He looks like a bear.
Me: Is he fat?
X: He's not thin.
Me: Does he look disgusting?
X: You wouldn't want to stand near him.
Me: Does he smell bad?
X: (I can't remember X's response, as we were both laughing at ourselves by now!)

My friend is such a sweetie. Not once did she curse or utter anything remotely vulgar, and I did not hear a single word which bore any semblance to an animal, beast or plant. If this were someone I know, I would probably have verbally reduced his name, character and reputation to smithereens! But that's just me...