Can you sleep?

I can't sleep.

Just one of those things that hasn't happened to me in a while. In close to 2 years to be exact.

In the past, I used to suffer from insomnia. I would stay awake all night thinking about...stuff. You know, like if I've had an argument with someone earlier in the day, I would be coming up with scathing remarks in the night of what I should and could have said to hurt that person. Inane really, but such thoughts could keep me up all night.

And if I've had an old friend call me minutes before bedtime, I would be replaying that same conversation over and over and over again in my head even long after the conversation has ended. I would be thinking about what she said, what I said, why she said it, why I said it, how she said it, how I said it, and then I'll read between the lines. If after all that reading, I'm still not happy, I'll re-read until it's so late and I'm so freaking tired.

Sometimes, I worry about work. I worry about how well (or badly) I'm coping, how I measure up to my peers and how I hate this or that colleague. I wonder why people seem to think that accountants are monotonous and boring (I know I'm not!) and how unfair it is that Zouk has "Crew night", "Media night"etc but no "Accountants night". What, you think accountants don't club?! Pharking discriminators.

I've even tried counting sheeps. But the sheeps got pretty interesting and my fascination with them did not encourage sleep to come. The sheeps were jumping across the fence in delightful hues of red, green, black, yellow. Some were fat and wooly, and some pitiful ones had just been shaved. Some gave long "baaaaas" but others a squeaky bleat.

I used to stay up feeling lonely. Wondering why all the guys who were interested in me were such assholes. Why my love life sucked. Imagining myself that bottle of ketchup in the supermart which was getting closer and closer to being swept off the shelf, not by some paying customer, but into the bin for being past expiry date.

Those were tumultous times. Feeling tired and having to rely on coffee every morning to give me that surreal burst of energy was painful (and I hated smelling coffee in my pee...ugh!). Having bottles of cough syrup and muscle relaxant stashed away like precious gems because they were the key to dreamworld was sad, not to mention pathetic.

I am truly grateful that the sleeplessness that was tormenting me for so long had decided to go away. Perhaps I had come to terms with some of the issues I used to wrestle with. Or maybe the sleep-less spirit didn't like me anymore and left to seek another body to possess.